also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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