I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
