i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
