who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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