We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
