Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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