A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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