I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
