So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
