You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
