I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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