And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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