just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
