I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
