like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
