I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize