I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
