My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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