When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
