I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
