It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
