found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
