Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
