so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
