also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
