At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
