i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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