Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
