Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
