Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.