dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
