Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
