I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later