Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me