i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
