i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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