Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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