So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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