This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
