Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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