no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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