so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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