I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
