I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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