I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
