I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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