I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
