Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
