There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
