He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He shit in the fireplace
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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