you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
