dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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