Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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