Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
