He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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