the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
