At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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