Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
