Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
