no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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