Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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