Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
