sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
