Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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