she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
