"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He? As in you personified your dick?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
