I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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