I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
