you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
