Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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